Is it more important to love or to be loved? What Nobody Tells You

We always tend to ask for things in return. This does not exclude love. A common problem in relationships, both courtships and marriages, is that one of the lovers feels that she is giving more than the other. This obviously leads to frustration and painful breakups.

Love is complicated. If we expect something in return for the act of loving, that takes away the honesty of the act itself, but not being loved in return is not ideal either.

What, then, is the best position to take in this dilemma? To determine a love between two people as truly reciprocated, it is necessary that both people appreciate each other with the same level of intensity. This is something that will only be revealed by time and the obstacles the couple faces.

It turns out to be a complicated question with a perhaps even more complicated answer, but we should not get exasperated by it.

To love or be loved. The time factor in a relationship.

A love relationship between two people must go through many stages as time goes by, from months, years, or decades. This is nothing new. But it is true that I can take young people lightly without much knowledge or premeditation regarding the experience of a love relationship.

If both partners in a couple get too carried away with the “honeymoon stage” of their relationship (which is actually inevitable), many expressions will be thrown into the air that promise eternal love, love that will last forever. far beyond meat, where age will not matter, which will not suffer from erosion through the years.

The honeymoon stage is a completely natural and healthy phase. Through this stage, the couple consolidates many of the foundations of their relationship, of their mutual attraction both emotionally and physically.

Unfortunately, as it is inevitable (and undesirable) to be enthralled by the first experience of true and lasting love, the perspective of both people is terribly clouded by all kinds of neurochemical turmoil, blinded by the unbearable pleasure of a relationship.

This is entirely human, and should be appreciated, not pretentiously criticized. But the truth is that eventually the couple in love will have to face many stages, each with its own set of challenges and obstacles, many unexpected, unthinkable and unique to their particular relationship.

That is where the foundations established during the honeymoon stage are not enough, and it is necessary to establish new foundations for the building that they have been building between them.

It shouldn’t be impressive that two people aren’t able to get to know each other one hundred percent within a year or two. However, they may make the decision to commit early anyway.

This does not at all mean that your relationship is doomed to failure, it just means that the stage of insight has been postponed, but not avoided forever.

What would this profound knowledge be? It is a mutual knowledge, which cannot be accelerated. It is born, it progresses gradually and naturally.

This is why the time factor is a constant that should not go unnoticed in a relationship. Although the couple feels completely sure that they know each other perfectly after a few months, weeks or even days (something even admirable), there will always be more layers that will be revealed in a person.

We must remember that a human being, as a biological, emotional, psychological, social and cultural individual, will never be simple to define in specific formulas or in brief descriptions.

Even if your personality and life story were to be written by the pen of a famous author such as Miguel de Cervantes or James Joyce, an infinity of details, variables, nebulae and others about you would be left out, which make up you as a human being. individual, which are undetectable to the minds of other humans.

Although a person is not special, he will always be unique among all the other people that exist, have existed and will exist, since he is not only a product of his genetics and his environment, but no psychologist, neurologist or philosopher has yet been able to capture the unique factor that prevails in each person.

In addition to the dimensions already inherent in a person, with which they were born or that were formed before meeting their partner, we must also take into account that a human being is always in a constant process of transformation, of evolution.

The brain continues to develop through neural plasticity, and the years added to a person’s life shape their perspective on life, their worldview.

Therefore, when evaluating whether both parties in a relationship are giving the same care for the other, they may encounter challenges in which one of them has changed, either at a deeply internal level or at an external level in the sense of Not expressing your feelings enough.

This would provoke the frustration of those who do externalize their emotions and express their love, and will find it difficult to love without being loved with the same intensity.

There are many perspectives, therapies and opinions about the evolution of a relationship.

Giving a general answer would be largely irresponsible, since we are dealing with three levels of individuality: the unique characteristics of one person, the unique characteristics of another, and the unique characteristics of their particular relationship.

One of the best tools to deal with time situations is patience. Both people must be patient with each other and with themselves. Let’s not forget that it is equally difficult to know oneself well enough, being something that also requires work, and the help of a partner would never hurt for such learning.

Facing the time factor with the patience factor is a good initial strategy to continue building a lasting relationship together.

Feeling that you give more than you receive. The chemistry of love.

Is there a scientifically explorable side to love? To some extent, yes.

In the study of biology, three motivating elements in love are determined, along with neurochemical processes that include neurotransmitters and hormones.

These three elements are mate preference, clinging, and libido, or sexual attraction. Among the chemicals that act on the nervous system of people in love are testosterone, dopamine and oxytocin.

From an evolutionary standpoint, love is theorized to have functioned as a survival tool for the human race. On the one hand, babies are totally dependent on their parents for a fairly long period relative to other animal species.

Love has thus functioned to motivate the parental help mechanism towards the offspring to ensure the survival of genes for the next generation.

In this same way, the development of love has been an influential factor in the constitution and well-being of human societies, in addition to the prevalence of monogamy as a mechanism to prevent the spread of sexual diseases.

This serves as an essential basis for understanding the complex relationship between two human beings bound by love.

The process of creating a bond between two beings is a phenomenon of nature that has been observed in both birds and primates, which brings us closer to the reason for monogamy in most human culture. Primates, for example, typically have long-lasting relationships that form into equally long-lasting social groups.

Humans can experience different varieties of bonding. In the case of love relationships, the bond is of a physiological nature due to the component of sexual attraction. From this, culturally, marriage was established as a tradition as an emblem of the commitment of love between both parties.

What this reveals to us is that the exchange of love between two people is given in an evolutionary-genetic way (determined by a whole process of previous generations of the human race) and also in a cultural way, through the institution of marriage in various religions and societies.

Marriage establishes a sense of duty, both intimate and social, to return the other person’s love duly for an ideally infinite amount of time.

Possibly, one of the people in a marriage feels that he gives more love than he receives, but due to the marriage vow and a specific philosophy of life, he decides that he will still remain constant in his commitment to the relationship, no matter what. that you receive

This can be dangerous for your emotional health, but it can also have a high spiritual value of self-sacrifice.

Being emotional well-being something important, and ideally of mutual concern in a couple, the best way to start solving the challenge of a love gap is for there to be dialogue, intimate conversation, the exchange of ideas, thoughts, emotions.

The couple’s relationship cannot escape difficulties if it is intended to go far, and these difficulties can only be resolved as a team.

In closing, it’s important to remember that “love” is an incredibly difficult concept to measure. That is to say, we cannot really quantify it, due to its existence so rooted in the internal world of people, and whose manifestation through words or actions varies from individual to individual.

At the end of the day, the correspondence of the love that one gives and receives is perceived subjectively, and the first step in trying to make both perspectives of love coincide as much as possible is constant conversation and expression of feelings, aspirations, and fears.

Not only is trust built stronger and stronger through this, but it also reinforces the rapport of a couple, thus ensuring that the exchange of love, of love and of the loved one, is infinite on both sides.

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